I’d Prefer it That Way

If the world worked on a barter system, how would you fare? Would you have services to barter? Would you be successful, or would you struggle? – Barter System

I hate money. I really, really do, so I would likely thrive on a barter system.

As far as skills go, well…

• I could sit with your while you had your baby and then clean up your place and serve you a nice meal.
• I could make you soap. For a second I was like, well, there’s only so much soap a person needs, but really, if you couldn’t buy soap, there aren’t that many people that know what they are doing that could make you some.
• I could knit you a hat or a pair of mitts.
• I could sew you an apron.
• I could teach your children.
• I could weed your garden.
• I could grow vegetables (sometimes).
• If you give me milk, I could make you cheese (I’m not getting a cow, though).
• I could bake you a cake.

Between my husband (who can help you with your bigger needs) and myself we would probably be alright.

……..so where do I sign up?

Friday’s Fave Five – April 24th, 2015

I guess I have not been around very much this past week. The prompts from The Daily Post have not been terribly inspiring and I’ve been busy with homeschooling the kids and whatnot. It’s always nice to check in and share 5 highlights of my week, though. If you would like to share some of yours, please visit Living to Tell the Story.

1. Making some changes to our homeschool again. We tried to love Easy Peasy All in One Homeschooling, but it just wasn’t for us. Rather there are parts we love and parts we don’t. So we have switched back to a couple of the subjects that we were doing before we started Easy Peasy and we are changing things up a bit within the program. The last couple of days have been much more enjoyable. Liam and I are reading The Jungle Book and that has been fun. I’ve moved Morgaine up a level in science and we’ve switched her math around again (she’s all over the place in her abilities in that one). We will have to homeschool through summer again. I’d set out with the plan to get a lot covered this year and take a good month long break (entirely), but I am not sure that is going to happen. I cannot believe that it getting close to the end of the school year again. It seems like it just started.

2. Selling enough curriculum that I could purchase a second hand instructor’s guide for Core F in Sonlight. I’ve been eyeing it since we started homeschooling, but I could never afford the whole thing. My son is (almost) getting old for it, but I think it will still be good with some add ons for him. I know the girlie will like it. They always tell me how much they miss the days when we were doing Sonlight.

3. A soap making success. While this soap will not be up for sale (as it is virtually impossible to recreate) it was fun to do. I turned a soap that was unpleasant to use (too much coffee on top thanks to my husband’s desire to help) into one that the children love. They are calling it my marshmallow soap.

4. Making some potentially life changing decisions and feeling mostly good about it. There are moments, though, we I go “what on earth was I thinking?”, but I think it will be okay. I don’t intend to say more than that for now as there is a fair bit of stuff to work out yet. I’ve taken all the first steps, though.

5. Throwing out, selling, and donating stuff. I am tired of living with clutter and since I am the one that cleans I’ve made the executive decision to work with the kids to cut way down on the amount of stuff that is around. Considering that they are either doing school work, playing on electronic gadgets or outside there really isn’t a need for all the extra stuff they have. Obviously there’s stuff they love so we are going slow with it, but I do think that we will at least get rid of some stuff. I want to organize a proper homeschooling room with all our resources as we have so much neat stuff, but beyond that, we are letting go, baby.

Just Underneath

For the writing prompt – Four Stars.

Just Underneath follows the story of a young woman from some of of her earliest memories to the day that a life changing decision must be made. Looking into the depths of her soul, she seeks to find what is hidden just underneath. Through a series of flashbacks you’ll be transported on a journey – one of love, pain, loss – and one of hope.

This novel, written with grace and an eloquence that isn’t easily match, will have you questioning everything you know about life, love and loyalty. Is there a point that you’ve given so much away that there is no turning back? What are the bonds that tie? What will you find when you look just below the surface?

Whilw book ends without closure, I highly recommend it.  With a cast of characters you’ll love to hate and those that will leave you begging for more, this story will draw you in and hold you. One moment you’ll love the main character, the next you’ll hate her. Things that seems perfectly obvious to you will not seem clear to her – You might think you know what lies just underneath. The question is, does she?

#DearMe

The Daily Post asks me today what is one piece of advice I wish I’d gotten earlier in time with this prompt – Powerful Suggestion.

I wrote this a little over a month ago, though it oddly feels like a lifetime ago. I had no intention of sharing it here on my blog, but I think that it has gotten to the point that I am blogging for strangers anyways. It doesn’t much matter and anyways, it’s what I wish I’d heard when I was younger.

~~~~~~

#DearMe

It’s your, if nothing else, more experienced older self here.

I just wanted to let you know that you are worth so much more than you think you are. While you are trying to hide away, know that there is a whole world out there for you and you deserve it. You don’t have to have issues to be seen and heard. You can be yourself and that is enough. I know that you don’t like yourself very much now and you have not been kind to your body, but there are many people that will like you anyways. Give yourself a chance. You will have to work to see what they see, and it won’t always be easy, but know that you really are beautiful.

You are so smart and have a good head on your shoulders. Use it for something. Don’t let other people dictate who you will become. You know yourself better than anyone else. Don’t loose that. Study whatever you would like to study, whenever you would like to. It is always good to have an education of some kind. It’s okay if you aren’t quite sure what you are doing, though. You will figure it out as you go along and I know that you can do it.

You don’t have to settle for the first person that shows you attention. You can, and it may well be a wild ride, but you are so young and there are many different possibilities for you. Many people will love and care about you and you will love many people. Give it time and you may be surprised.

I know you don’t want to have biological children because the thought is so darn scary. It’s okay. Hey, children are scary. Know that if you have children, you will love them. There’s not doubt about it. You don’t have to be scared that you won’t know how. It will come. There may well be days where it doesn’t come as easily and you may want to run away screaming, but your children will know, even then, that they are loved. If you don’t have children, that is okay too. Hey, you have much to give, whether you become a mother or not.

Stay true to who you are and don’t be afraid. You can be fierce and that is okay. Don’t hide away from the world because you are terrified that people will see you. You deserve to be seen and heard. You don’t need to be afraid that people won’t like the real you. Give them a chance to find out for themselves. I’m pretty sure that you will be surprised.

Above all else, my beautiful one, know that you are worth it and you are so loved.

~~~~~~

I know that it wasn’t just one piece of advice, but anyways,  I think that what I would have needed to hear 15 years ago (or maybe a little earlier) was that I should live my own life. That I, myself, had worth and things to say and that I could go out and do what I really wanted. It has been so many years now, that I don’t even have a clue who that 18 year old girl was.

Feeling Strong

I know I’ve been alluding to depression here on the blog lately, but I just wanted to post that I am feeling good today – really good.

I’ve started a deep spring cleaning.

I’ve rearranged furniture.

I didn’t freak out when my daughter rearranged her furniture.

I went for a walk.

I drank coffee while sitting on the steps watching the dogs.

I called my bank to take care of renewing our mortgage, all by myself, like a grown up.

I enjoyed talking to the financial consultant on the other end of the line.

I felt happy.

I am proud of myself.

I’m learning to speak about myself positively – Take That, Rosetta!

Feeling Strong

I know I’ve been alluding to depression here on the blog lately, but I just wanted to post that I am feeling good today – really good.

I’ve started a deep spring cleaning.

I’ve rearranged furniture.

I didn’t freak out when my daughter rearranged her furniture.

I went for a walk.

I drank coffee while sitting on the steps watching the dogs.

I called my bank to take care of renewing our mortgage, all by myself, like a grown up.

I enjoyed talking to the financial consultant on the other end of the line.

I felt happy.

I am proud of myself.

I’m learning to speak about myself positively – Take That, Rosetta!

I’m Not Sure This Has Happened Yet

Today’s The Daily Post prompt asks us to describe a time where everything happened exactly like we hoped it would in All It’s Cracked Up to Be.

I’m not too sure that this has happened for me, yet. At least not in any real meaningful way. I’ve wanted to do a million different things, but have succeeded in very little. Whether that be because of financial difficulties, family issues, lack of support or whatever, it doesn’t matter. Everyone thought I had a ton of potential growing up and I had dreams of my own, but I have gotten to the point of just being tired with life. There was so much I wanted, but now I feel too old to pursue my dreams.

Being a Mum has turned out nothing like I expected (or maybe it’s what I expected, but not what I hoped for). It has its wonderful moments for sure, but I had different ideas about for how I wanted to raise my children and the outcome it would have. Homeschooling looks nothing like it did when we started. I like it then, but haven’t particularly enjoyed it fully in years. I’m slowly moving back to the way things were, but it is slow going some days.

I’ll link you to a blog post that I wrote about a day that turned out pretty darn good. I think it might have been one of the only days ever, where we went out as a family and came home without tears, yelling, or one of the children (or Mum) being completely miserable. I could use a few more of those close to perfect days, for sure. But, as always, I live and really, really real life that is quite far from perfect. I don’t really mind all that much, but I have to admit that I have stopped having real hopes and dreams for the family. It’s much easier to live without expectation and then I savour the good times even more.

Friday’s Fave Five – April 10th, 2015

I haven’t been inspired by the last couple of prompts over at The Daily Post so today I am joining up with my friends to share five special moments from my week. Feel free to share five highlights of your week over at Living to Tell the Story. It always feels so good.

1. Morgaine recreating ancient Rome in the corner of our upstairs sitting room. Yes, she used a kit and yes, it was after bedtime, but she pulled it all out herself and read the book all about ancient Rome. She was so proud of doing it all herself and I was proud as well.

2. Having my husband’s birthday fall on Easter. It was like killing two birds with one stone (what a horrible thing to say, but I did appreciate having to only cook one special meal and only having to serve sweet cake/dessert once). The kids had a blast decorating a cake for their dad. Not having been to church in a couple of years, Easter was really low key and that was alright, but I did miss some of the special songs that are normally reserved for Easter service.

3. Surviving the week with much more limited facebook usage. Yes, I did sneak through the very top of my newsfeed a few times when I was signing on to check on Lye Abilities, but I only commented a few times (all one one awesome person’s post(s). I’ll get to the point where I’m not there, but going cold turkey wouldn’t have worked out for me. I’d be back in full force within 2 or 3 weeks. Slowly letting go seems to work better for me.

4. Purging stuff. I really want to get rid of a lot of junk so I’ve been going through each room and getting rid of things. I finally emptied our filing cabinet that was filled with papers as far back as 15 years ago. I went through all our clothes, too. It feels good, but I know that we will not get rid of near as much stuff as I would like to. I am very much a minimalist at heart, but no one else in the family is.

5. Cupcakes and this kid. 

Bonus happy moment 

Getting up the nerve to e-mail a friend that I haven’t spoken to in ages (my fault as I was the one that never e-mailed back). It was nice to e-mail back and forth a bit. I’m hoping that I’ll keep in contact with a few people this way. It seems more personal than little snippets in cyberspace on facebook.

Really, I Don’t Want to Read the News

Today’s Daily Post Prompts asked us to incorporate the third headline from our favourite news site into a post. When I was at my most depressed this winter I’d get up every morning and put on our news network. I think it was an attempt to connect with something. What would come instead was a feeling of completely messing up by bringing my children into such a screwed up world. I’ve since been mostly avoiding both news stations and visiting online news sites.

However, I used to have a twitter account where I followed my favourite news sources (our (at one time) local newspaper, CBC, Radio-Canada, CNN, BBC, CBC Health News, our local CBC/CTV stations). I have basically only news sources on that account so I went back and checked in for this post. My last tweet was “Catching up on the news with Twitter. My once stop source for finding out what is going on in the world.” It was posted a year ago and I remember private messaging someone that said hello saying that I didn’t know why I bothered stopping in to check the news. There was nothing very inspiring on there.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up the news and my inability to come up with something to write for this post. It’s wasn’t good. I went to my twitter feed numerous times throughout the day and I still couldn’t find a third headline (or any headline) that made me want to write. I didn’t want to write about a women being touched against their will on a airline flight. I didn’t want to write about another black man being shot. I didn’t want to write about the fact that police can’t get their crap together and help the families of so many indigenous women that have gone missing over the years. I didn’t want to write about the whole LGBT issues going on in the United States. I didn’t want to get into politics or talk about the death penalty. Yeah, it was a sucky news day, just like most of them. It really is a sad state if affairs.

So, no, I won’t quote a news’ headline tonight. I’ll just pray and send out all my energy to those people on the other end of all these stories.

What Good News?

Today’s Daily Post prompt asks us how we react when we get good news. What would you do if you got good news right now? – Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Well, really exceptionally good news is a bit of a rarity in our house. All my news comes to me through my partner and it generally tends to be the type of news that I’m not quite sure about – meh, it could be good, but it might not be either. Because I am  a little bit of a planner and worrier and my partner is a bit more (maybe a lot more) spontaneous, I tend to take good news with a grain of salt so I’m slow to warm up to good news that could go either way.

If I were to get good really news right at this moment, it would come as a complete shock and it wouldn’t be from my partner, so I suppose I would call him and let him know. I don’t really have anyone else that I could ring up and the telephone to share with. If it was good news of my own making and came with any kind of kind words (generally a good grade or an opportunity to share my writing) I would break down into tears so that one might think that something was wrong. I tend to be a cryer so I cry when I am happy, sad, nostalgic, proud. Just about all the time so you never really know with me.

However, news of any kind tends to be a rare here, so we like to take it day by day and figure no news is generally good news. If the phone rings unexpectedly (which is pretty much the only time it would ring) we tend to go “oh, no, what happened”. Thankfully, our phone number seems to be becoming popular with telemarketers so we can go on living our news devoid lives, and we like it that way.